September 10, 2012

Embracing the "Be"

As I get older, I'm finding (rather, I'm becoming more aware of a tendency that's always been there) that I don't particularly love times of "in-between."  I've written here often of my struggle with contentment in this stage of life, and - I fear - based on my track record, this will be an ongoing struggle in all stages of life.

There are often different titles assigned to people in transitory stages of life: college-graduate-to-be, bride-to-be, mother-to-be, etc.  And, without formally noting it, such titles accompany most stages of life: homeowner-to-be, mother-of-a-kindergartener-to-be, wife-of-a-doctor-to-be, grandmother-to-be.  All implying a waiting of sorts.

When I was a bride-to-be, I often found myself thinking more on the days of my life as Mrs. Cole Boboth, rather than my present-day state of Mrs-Cole-Boboth-to-be. How would I decorate our first home together?  What would I cook for his dinner every night?  What would our weekend plans be?  Our engagement lasted six months.  So, I had six months to plan a wedding and *happily* kiss my single life goodbye. Six months that I was still a student, still on committees, still keeping up friendships, still having so much to contribute as bride-to-be before becoming a bride.... yet much of my time was spent wishing away that time.  Wishing desperately for the day when I could drop the "to-be" in my title.

Someday, Lord willing, I will be a mother-to-be.  Based on extensive scientific study and my keen sense of observation, I'm quite certain that there will be times when I wish away that "to-be" as well. Yet, those nine months are not for naught, not to be wished away.

Slowly, I am learning to embrace the "be" in whatever stage of life in which I've been placed, learning to embrace the tension that exists in the almost-but-not-yet.  There are still days when I look at the calendar and mentally count down the days until the next "to-be" is dropped from my title. Still, sometimes I wistfully look at others who've long since dropped their "to-be"s and wonder what it might be like on their side.  Yet, it can be tiresome to be always living waiting for the next season to get here already.  Not only tiresome, but it completely robs the joy from the "to-be" season.

I don't want to waste this time, or any time, wishing for something else.

That's all.  I'm just learning to embrace the be.


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