August 18, 2011

on worry...

I'm a worrier.  I have always been a worrier.  I worry that my family will die before I do, I worry that the future won't turn out the way I think it should, I worry that I will be a horrible parent, I worry that a snake will come up from the abyss and bite me when I'm using a Port-a-Potty.  Rational or irrational, I worry.

I'm a planner.  I have always been a planner.  I meticulously attempt to plan my next day, week, month, year, lifetime.  I plan hypothetical situations, I plan real situations.  I like to be in control. (or at least think that I am)
For as long as I can remember, I have excused my worrying and over-planning as a quirky character trait.  By simply assuming the title of "worrier" and "planner," I excuse away the root of those issues:

My lack of trust in the One who created the Universe.
My lack of trust in the One who holds me in the palm of His hand.

Over the last few days, (and for no apparent reason) I have been overly wracked with both worry and the need to plan (to be in control of the situation should my irrational worries come to fruition).  Lying in bed at night, my mind has a tendency to spin out of control... horribilizing(totally a word) hypothetical situations that may very well never come true.  I guess that I figure, if I can anticipate it, it won't be so bad when if it happens.

Tuesday night, it was pretty bad.  I felt like I had come to the end of myself and had nothing to cling to but the One who is actually in control.  Through some divinely placed sermons and discussions with friends, the Lord has made it ridiculously evident that I am not in control of this life. And no amount of worrying or planning can change that.  And yet...

How can I not place every bit of trust in the One who holds all things together.  In the One who always has my good in mind.  After all, who, by worrying, can add a single hour to his life?   Slowly, oh-ever-so-slowly, I am learning to unfurl this grasping hand of mine, holding more dearly my Savior and holding more loosely the things (and even the people) of this world.

It's a process. I'm learning. I'm growing. And sometimes, growth kinda sucks.

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"  - Matthew 6:25-27

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9 Comments:

  1. I hate worry. I hate that it makes up such a big part of my life. Planning is just a productive way to worry...Thanks for the reminder..I need it daily as well!

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  2. This is beautiful. I love it!

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  3. Allison, I LOVE that... "Planning is just a productive way to worry."

    Brilliant!

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  4. Great post! I have a huge problem with worrying/anxiety as wel. It's a huge struggle for me to just "go with the flow" and "let things go"- but once you figure it out, life gets so much smoother. Ahhh breathe. You're a beautiful writer!!
    http://jacquelineparis.wordpress.com/

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  5. That is one of my most favourite passages from the Bible.
    So reassuring. Great post!

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  6. What you did on on your blog took a lot of courage. But it is exactly what we all need to do. The Lord promises to heal us of our faults if we share them with our fellow believers and have them pray for us. (James 5:16) The Lord has blessed you richly and will continue to do so.

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  7. I understand how you feel. I always plan ahead. I have learn from the past few years who is really in control. God is in control and I have to surrender instead of worrying about everything.

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  8. i LOVE the scripture about not worrying. i am a worrier by nature as well and for the longest time my Bible literally fell open to that passage every time i opened it.

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  9. I am a terrible worrier. Such attitude debilitated me to do things I'm supposed to do. I am still growing in this aspect of my faith.

    So glad I dropped by! Your post is very enlightening! Take care and God bless! :-)

    Irene

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