On Packing

Right now, there are three boxes stacked in the corner of our living room: packed, taped, and labelled.  Another rests half-full in the kitchen, packing materials and contents spilling over the sides. Three more lay hungry in the bedroom, waiting to be filled. And, here I sit.  Smack-dab in the middle of it all.  Stuck here partially due to physical exhaustion, partially due to being downright overwhelmed, but mostly because I've misplaced the packing tape. Again.

Such a weird migration this is.  From wall to box.  Dresser to bin.  Cabinet to crate.  These three years past, placed in boxes.  My heart doesn't quite know how to feel.

I know.  I see you there.  You, ticking off the months to come on your fingers... Yes, we still have much time before we leave.  Nearly 4 months, in fact.  And yet, here I sit with box upon box.  Strange as it may be, I suppose I find myself prematurely packing because I am a planner.  I like having all my loose ends tied up, everything just so.  Perhaps I pack because it gives me a sense of control, a fake, fleeting, selfish, and sinful pseudo-sense of control. Maybe, I am packing now to lighten my load for later, when life will no doubt be even more insane.

But, perhaps that which looms largest in my heart urging me to pack is the fact that I'm not quite sure how I'm going to say goodbye. How I will leave this place we two first called home as one.  How we will leave this church family who have loved us with open arms and open doors.  How we will leave these friends who have become more like family...  It's as though this gradual stripping of walls and emptying of drawers will ease the pain of that last day.  Much like a bandage, (and contrary to the common analogy) when pulled ever so slowly, one might almost forget the pain of its removal.  In much the same way, perhaps this gradual packing is readying my heart for the ripping.

I know I've said this before, and there is no doubt that further words and tears will be spilled over this place; but I sit here in the midst of transition with a heart torn.  This heart quickens wildly at the thought of the adventures that lay ahead.  Every vase wrapped is a step closer to that new horizon. While simultaneously, there is an ache that throbs at the thought of closing this chapter.  My heart is all here and all there and not at all emotional.  (ha!)

There is much to do before the door closes, however. Much to do, much to say (or not), and many to love.  I am thankful for this readying period, this time of preparation; but no amount of time is going to make this any easier.

Now... to find that packing tape....

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Prepare Him Room

My heart has been cluttered.  I don’t know about you, but when my desk or kitchen counter is cluttered, I feel like I cannot be productive until it has been stripped clean and organized. And that has been my heart lately.

This holiday season, I have really been struggling to ‘get in the Christmas spirit.’  Yes, our home is decorated, the presents wrapped, and the Christmas classics are played on repeat.  But, this year has just been a little off for me.  So many times, I've felt like I am just going through the motions; and I have had little motivation to even decorate Christmas cookies and an unusual apathy for all things in general.  There have been days when I have actually wondered aloud, “Where is my JOY?”

I haven’t been able to put my finger on it.  This empty feeling, this foreign sense of apathy, this lack of joy.

Then, it hit me.  Hard.  Like a ginormous semi-truck to my heart.

We were standing in church on Sunday, singing an all-too-familiar Christmas carol when the truck hit.

“Joy to the world, the Lord is come; Let Earth receive her King!

Let ev’ry heart prepare Him room….”

How many times have I sung those lyrics mindlessly?  (I might have even breathed a sigh of disappointment that the music team had chosen this carol, when the song first began. Couldn't we have sung one of my favorites like, “O Come, All Ye Faithful,” or something?)

And then I sang, “…let every heart prepare Him room…”  Wham. I stopped singing, my voice caught in my throat. Let every heart prepare Him room... ... ... Isn't this what Advent is for: making room, preparing hearts?  What have I been doing these last few weeks?

I’d prepared my home.  I’d prepared my fridge.  I’d prepared my gifts. Heck, I’d even prepared my nativity.  But, my heart?  No room in the inn.

I have allowed the urgent to crowd out the Important. Rather, I have forgotten what is truly important in the first place. I have cluttered my proverbial workspace with trivial things in such a way that my “productivity” has come to a complete halt.  And, in turn, I have developed my own definition of “productivity.”  I have been so busy cleaning out the barn that I have overlooked the child in its manger.  I've forgotten The Joy.  And I'm tired of it.

I want to be stripped bare.  I don’t want my heart to have to “prepare Him room;” I just want my heart to be all Jesus in the first place.  He rules the world with truth and grace.  The truth is, I've been struggling; the Grace is, He's helping me to strip bare my workspace, prepare Him room, and He's settling in.

I don't want to wrap this up with a shiny bow and sparkles, however, because it's not over.  This is, and will be, a daily, messy battle.  A daily purging and cleaning.  A daily choice for more of Him and less of me.  A daily letting go and holding on.   A daily shoving aside of those things that scream for stake of my heart in order to preserve Him room.  My hope in sharing this is that this proves, by His grace, the glories of His righteousness and the wonders of His love.

I hope you all have a wonderful, Christ-filled Christmas!

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Amnesia

I did it again.  I forgot.  Now, I know that forgetfulness comes with age, but I'm not ready to claim that as an excuse just yet.  Somehow, I forgot that I don't have to keep trying, I don't have to keep forging ahead on my own, I don't have to lay awake at night worrying in a fruitless effort to control my circumstances.  

He is good.  He is always good.  And He is extraordinarily faithful, even when I am exposed as completely faithless. 

In two specific circumstances this week, we received favorable outcomes to situations about which I had been *somewhat* concerned. (Ha! Understatement.) In both situations, I breathed a sigh of relief and simultaneously marveled at God's goodness and faithfulness to us. 

Then it hit me.  It happened again.  And I realized that my interpretation of that which is good and that which evidences God's faithfulness is incredibly skewed.  So often I view God's goodness as that which answers my prayers as I had hoped or meets a desire or need in the way I wanted.    (Of course, this is only after I'd been worked up with worry, failing to rest and trust.) And, when those good things happen?  Well, sure, I'll happily marvel at the way that, yet again, God has been good to us.  It's pretty easy, actually.  

But when things get hard?  Well, that's when I have a tendency to look to the one person I just know will never fail me.  Me.   And I try harder, and work longer, and worry stronger, and worry stronger.  Oh, don't get me wrong, I may cry out in prayer begging that circumstances change - all along hoping for that favorable outcome that could finally signal that God has not forgotten about me.  But all too often, what I fail to see is that, yes, even in the *seemingly* unanswered prayers and the unfavorable outcomes, God is still good and God is still faithful and God is still El Roi, the God who sees, and I am still a child sinfully whining to get her way, even if 'her way' may lead to destruction.

It amazes me how quickly I forget His past provision.  It's embarrassing how easily I write off trials or frustrations as such, and not as "His Ultimate Good."  So, what do I do now?  Well, I promise to try harder to remember, I resolve not to overlook His workings in my life, I try... I try.... I try... and, there, I've done it again.

And all I can do is repent and pray for the humility to recognize His ongoing faithfulness and goodness in all things.  All things.  And rest in the Grace.  Rest, not work.  Rest and remember.

All is Grace.

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Bucket List

If you've spent much time around this blog, you know that, being in grad school, our current living situation is temporary. In other words, we have an expiration date. In just over a year, we'll be packing up and moving.  Most days, it is hard to believe that we're nearly 2/3 of the way through our time here.  And 'here' is actually a pretty great place to be.

Before we moved down, (knowing that our time would be limited) we made a list of things that we wanted to make sure we did/saw/experienced before we left, making the most of our time here.  So, as promised, here is our "Things To Do Before We Leave Forest Grove," or The Portland Bucket List.

1. Visit the Tillamook Cheese Factory - done 1/7-1/8/12
2. Go to Tree-to-Tree Adventure Park - done 8/4/12
3. Do an Oregon Wine Tour/Tasting - done 1/8/12
4. Go to Roloff Farms - done 10/15/11
5. Visit Oregon Zoo ChristmasLights - done 12/9/11
6. Visit the Newport Aquarium
7. Visit The Grotto at Christmastime
8. Graduate OD School
9. Run the Portland Marathon
10. Attend a Blazer’s Game - done 3/3/12
11. Attend a Timber’s Game - done 8/5/12
12. Voodoo Donuts - done 8/5/12
13. Visit the Rose Gardens - done 8/4/12

Any thing you locals would add to our must see / must do list?

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Our Top 10 Moments of 2011

Dear 2012,
Well, here you are. Already.  We are pretty darn excited to see what you have in store for us.  We anticipate that this year we will become a third year optometry student and admissions counselor, one year older, and hopefully a better husband and wife. 

We will celebrate our second anniversary, find out our placements for rotations, add 365 gifts to the list, and ask each others’ forgiveness a lot.  We look forward to opening our home for more dinner parties and "Friends" marathons. We have some pretty high expectations of you because, well, you see, 2011 was pretty good to us.  It set the bar really high. Just so you know what you have to live up to, here is a “Top 10” sampling of the great hand that 2011 dealt us:

1. Our January weekend at the beach

2. Surprise trip to Seattle

3. Going to Chuck E. Cheese (!!!)

4. Memorial Day weekend in Spokane - "Wicked"

5. Meeting our niece

6. Our trip to Colorado and Reno

7. Celebrating our 1st Anniversary back home

8. An August visit from my family

9. Our December weekend at the beach

10. Christmas with our families

So there you have it... 2011 brought some pretty sweet moments.  But it also had its tough moments, its hurt-feelings moments, its cry-for-no-reason moments, its homesick moments, its stupid-argument moments, its worrisome moments, and its growth-sucks moments.

Through it all, we praise the One who holds our past, present, and future in His omnipotent and just hand.  And, we recognize that ALL is Grace.

For His Glory and our ultimate good,


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Making a List... Checkin' it Twice!

Dear You,
I know that Thanksgiving has yet to come upon us, and Halloween has just barely passed, but I need your help.

The second annual Boboth Christmas Letter is in the works  I can guarantee that it is just about as exciting and sarcastic as this blog.

And now where YOU come in... we have addresses, but we also do not have a lot that we'd love to have. (If that didn't confuse you, congratulations.) 

SOOOOoooooo, if you have moved this year and changed your address, if you are a newer-ish friend and do not think that we already have your address, or if you are just a regular reader and would like to receive a copy of our - wait for it - Second Annual Boboth Christmas Letter, then send your mailing address to lboboth{at}gmail{dot}com. (That is my email and I promise not to sell your information.)

Ok, that's all...  Merry Thanksgiving time!





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Weekend, er, LIFE Update

It has been brought to my attention by more than a few out-of-town friends and family that it has been far too long since an update. Part of that is due to the pace of life... (See this post) and part of it is due to the lack of interesting things to report.

No one wants to read a boring blog.

Anywho, activity at the Boboth household has revolved - in large part - around his studying, my travelling, and football season. *Can I get an "Amen!"?*   <---- That was a lot of symbols in a row. Such is the price of grammatical correctness.

This last weekend found me bouncing between the Tri-Cities and Dayton, Washington, as I was in a friend's wedding on Saturday.  The setting was the Running T ranch in Dayton. SO beautiful.  But, perhaps the best gift of the weekend was getting to see old friends from college after nearly a year and a half! I had SO much fun catching up with these (and other) clowns.  What a sweet thing friendship is!

Sweeter still, however was the reunion with my sweet man.  Two nights apart was TWO too many!  Last year, when I left for travel season, it was so hard to leave my brand new husband.  This year, I figured that it wouldn't be as bad... afterall, we've been married for over a year, he'd need to study, blah,blah,blah.......  WRONG.   I miss him even more now than I did then.  Distance, and time, truly does make the heart grow fonder.

So this week, I'm on the road touring beautiful Southern Oregon. (pictures forthcoming)  And the Mr. is studying. (pictures not forthcoming.  Because that would be boring.)  But for reals, keep him in your thoughts and prayers... this amazingly smart man has had 3 tests and has 2 more to go.  All in 2 weeks' time. Phew!

Well, that's all to report for now...  we are sure growing excited to be heading home for the holidays!  Can't wait to see our wonderful family!!

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